Unnoticed Hypocrisy - Tolerance Goes Both Ways

Photo by MiakoSamuio 

So I've been smothered in news lately that revolve around people's rights or needs.  I'm often touched by the stories of another's pain, but I'm starting to get fed.  Now it is important to find the filter.  So where is the line? The line in which we have to let one gripe slide and take another one seriously? It should be important to weigh the value of the issue, and it's real impact on the whole of society and not just on our own personal pain or displeasure.

So today I'm addressing "microaggression" currently defined as:

“…brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults toward people of color.”

Until earlier today I don't think I'd ever heard the term microagression.  Not being a student of sociology, or more exactly minority studies, I haven't had occasion to run across this term.  However, recently my attention was drawn to a young blogger who had recently adopted this term to relate not just to people of color but to all minorities, including the LGBT community.

Microaggression focuses on the everyday bigotry that is present and excepted in casual society.  We are all guilty of theses transgressions. Any time something is referred to as "gay" or "retarded", off color jokes, physical or visual aversion of dwarfs, elderly, disabled, etc. I could continue of forever really. You know where you fall on the line of bigotry and I'm not interested in debating that these things are in fact wrong, nor am I saying that we as people shouldn't try to better ourselves by eliminating these things as part of our culture. But let's reconsider the grander scheme of these things in our lives.

If you are reading this, further more if you have the privilege to be a blogger in the first place, then I am going to draw the conclusion that you have the money to own a computer, or at least have access to one in a public location such as a school, or public library.  This means that you're living in a country that doesn't put public blocks on outside media, so you are living in a free country.  You are more likely then not to have a home, a warm bed and a fresh set of clothes; since without these things you would be less likely to be reading this and more likely to be contemplating your next meal. You may even be lucky enough to have a job, or be the privileged child of a parent with a job; making enough money to support your independent thoughts.

In other countries you are stoned to death for being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, of a different religion, too dark, too light, female... the list goes on. You could be some where on this earth where they have never heard of a computer. You could be starving to death, or dying of a very easily cured disease but which the cure is kept from the people by a currupt government.

What am I saying? Well in a perfect world we would never show bigotry, toward any people.  In the mean time, we can work each day to be better human beings.  But if you are going to put out there your contempt of those that fill your life with microaggression, then you better review yourself carefully in the mirror each morning and ask forgiveness for your own bigotry before you get on your soup box for "your cause".

I'm not asking for you to ignore the aggressions others show to you, and I could never ask that your feelings not be hurt by them. We all feel hurt by others hate. You are not alone! But before you rage against those who hurt you, before you let the hurt jade your heart. Take the time to see the blessings around you, shy away from the gripes for a few minutes and list the good things in you life. Let's take time away from acknowledging the mircoaggression and focus on bring a little relief to the Macroaggressions that we are so lucky to be saved from; hunger, homelessness, torture, political, social, economical and religious oppression.

Heaven's Here On Earth 
Tracy Chapman

You can look to the stars in search of the answers
Look for God and life on distant planets
Have your faith in the ever after
While each of us holds inside the map to the labyrinth
And heaven's here on earth


We are the spirit the collective conscience
We create the pain and the suffering and the beauty in this world
Heaven's here on earth


In our faith in humankind
In our respect for what is earthly
In our unfaltering belief in peace and love and understanding


I've seen and met angels wearing the disguise
Of ordinary people leading ordinary lives
Filled with love, compassion, forgiveness and sacrifice
Heaven's in our hearts


In our faith in humankind
In our respect for what is earthly
In our unfaltering belief in peace and love and understanding


Look around
Believe in what you see
The kingdom is at hand
The promised land is at your feet
We can and will become what we aspire to be
If Heaven's here on earth


If we have faith in humankind
And respect for what is earthly
And an unfaltering belief that truth is divinity
And heaven's here on earth


I've seen spirits
I've met angels
I've touched creations beautiful and wondrous
I've been places where I question all I think I know
But I believe, I believe, I believe this could be heaven


We are born inside the gates with the power to create life
And to take it away
The world is our temple
The world is our church
Heaven's here on earth


If we have faith in humankind
And respect for what is earthly
And an unfaltering belief
In peace and love and understanding
This could be heaven here on earth

Heaven's in our heart

Parents, Peers and People... OH MY!

Everyone must face discrimination, in one form or another. To anyone out there reading this, gay straight or undecided, you are not alone. But for that matter, you are not special either.

I know that that's a hard thing to wrestle with, because we are all special, we all deserve to feel special, society, or our own ego tells us that we MUST BE special. Or else what are we at all? We are people, we are us... By this I mean the very act of living in this strange and beautiful world makes us achievers... we made it through the day and that's something to be proud of.

Unfortunately not every day is easy. Maybe you didn't past your mat test this week, or you got fired and your broke. Hopefully you were one of the luckier ones and the fight you had with your parents, over whatever it is that kids and parents fight about, only resulted in some mutually hurt feelings and you didn't get kicked out of the house, or storm out in a rage. Maybe you hugged later and they reminded you they loved you. If your lucky your parents do love you and accept you for who you are... even if you're gay, straight, transsexual, bisexual, asexual, or overwhelmingly undecided.

If you are lucky today your family hasn't disowned you, or forced you into a gay rehabilitation center. If you are lucky then maybe the conversation only left you feeling embarrassed, or a little humiliated, and not beaten... or dead.

Nothing in this world is easy and if you think it should be, I think you should change your point of view. But nothing that you think makes you set aside from the pain of everyone else in the WORLD, is really all that bad. If you have the ability to complain about it, then you're likely not all that effected.

You are different, and being different makes you hard to understand. When people don't understand things they become confused, and confusion is scary. A conversation with my own mother lead me to this conclusion... It is not my sexual preference that alarms her, it is the fact that she doesn't understand why it's not like hers. Now that sounds like the same thing she's straight, I'm gay, so she doesn't like me being gay, because that means I'm not straight. But the catch is that she doesn't actually think of me in sexual terms, I'll always be 3 in her eyes. What she sees is a dark and cloudy side street that leads off the road of "female normal", the very road she herself has been traveling. She understands "gay male" she's had friends that are there and it was in no way a direct reflection of the choices she has had to make. Lesbian... that's the dark road... That's the one where in her mind you would never go, so the fact that I have no problem taking off in that direction terrifies her. The conversation in her mind: "Why would you go there? This path is so bright and sunny, and there are men here! This is a good path, I like this path! Why are you making me doubt this path? To go there? Where it's dark? And strange? That's not my comfort zone." What she doesn't see is the my version of the "female normal" road where after about the age of 16 the bright and sunny road suddenly takes a sharp drop down a very steep cliff, and to go that way would only bring me harm. Taking the street marked "Lesbian" may be misty and a little dark at first, but getting through that, the road is just as sunny and bright.

Perceptions. That is what this is all about. Do you perceive yourself as struggling against the tyranny of the evil parent!!! Or the evil bully at school? Or even the evil boss you think hates you because you call your girlfriend, your "wife"? Well you might be right, but maybe your perception is askew and you should be seeing that your parents still bought you that iPod you really wanted, or the bully really does abuse everyone, or your boss may be a dick but he's banging his secretary and the divorce settlement for his "wife" is going to be very substantial.

Remember if you are lucky enough to be reading this blog, then your life could definately be worse.

Photo Thanks to http:zombifydodge.devianart.com

What is this "sex" thing all about anyway?

It is very possible that if you're over the age of 15 you know, or think you know, everything there is to know about sex. And what freightens me today is the reality that someone just barely inside the front doors of high school knows anything about sex, let alone as much as they do, and that the percentage is growing. Kids today are more willing to go purchase condoms then ever before, and young girls are on the pill even before they have their second period. Even worse the desire to have sex is so strong and the lack of knowledge so great that the idea of contraception isn't even a consideration. Prengancy, STDs, and a wealth of other sexual issues are far more common then ever before. Any kid that has self-esteem issues because they haven't had sex yet at 16 has fallen into the trap of an over sexualized society.

So what? Lesbian sex is different anyway right? Lesbians don't get STDs, or AIDs, and they certainly don't get pregnant... Here is the trouble with learning about sex from television, or by word of mouth.... People Lie. Not big huge life altering lies, well until you fine out that you have Herpies, or HIV... Your peers aren't lying to you because they want to hurt you, more often then not, they don't know any better. Misconceptions, myths, and urban legends are just as common in regards to sexual incounters as they are to the size of sewer rats in New York City.

Girls.... Ladies, You may not need to watch your cycle for fear of having a baby but don't run around out there without getting the real knowledge that you're lacking.

Lesbian Awakening: Coming Out in the 21st Century

So you are a 16 year old female, living in a middle class suburban area, in a primarily republican state. You're slowly developing into a good and honest member of society with head strong opinions that are yet to be actually based on any real facts. It's not that you are wrong to believe in woman's rights or to route for Hillary Clinton to be the next President of the United States but you're not actually informed on any of the issues aside from what either your parents or your friends are discussing. Not to mention that at the height of puberty you're starting to develop attractions toward your "girl friends" and are not quite sure why the idea of your best friend making out with that cute boy in math makes you so mad.

Maybe you're not in High School any more, maybe you've joined the world of higher education at one of the countries fine four year accredited universities. Now away from parents and all former rule enforcers you're at your third frat party in a week after having far too much to drink and making out with some random girl you only partially know. If it'll make you popular with all the 5th year seniors that have been around the block before and know how to "treat a girl" then you're all for it right? Why is it though that making out with this girl gets you more aroused then being passed around from one member of the football team to the next?

Maybe instead of any of these things you're just a normal young woman who works hard and doesn't really pursue relationships in any form. Your best friend is just your best friend and you're not into frat parties or stupid guys. That only thing you do understand is that you're attracted to women and... at least in your opinion, you're a lesbian.

That word "lesbian" strikes up many images in the minds of today's society. Television, music, movies, and other forms of mainstream media are saturated with images of gay, lesbian and transexual individuals. With shows like HBO's The L Word, Ellen Degenerous's talk show, LOGO, and all of the other visual images of lesbians you might forget that we are still a minority in the population. The human sexuality seems to be just as common a staple of everyday life as race, religion, and political agenda.

You are a lucky few, all of you in the new generation of lesbians. You're awakening to your sexuality during some of the most controversial times. No we are not in the middle of the Stonewall Riots but we are certainly facing political unrest. It may not be the same revolution felt during the Civil Rights movement, or the Women's Suffregent movement, but the demunstrations are the same. The voice is the same.

WE ARE PEOPLE

You are a part of the generation that never had to hide in back rooms with red alert lights. That will never marry and force yourself into an unfullfilling or abusive marriage in which you have to "come to an arrangement". Even if a few suffer, and unfortunately there will be those who suffer, the greater majority of your generation will know happiness. Even more importantly

you will see equality in your time, and your children or your grand children will grow up in an age where it is just as common to see two homosexuals married on Sunday, as a heterosexual couple.

Welcome to the world my friend, it's nice out here.

Photo courtesy of rikachu426